"This era of instant gratification is hurting our ability to parent and weakening our discernment for timing."
I tweeted this sentiment. It dawned on me, at the time of this thought's conception, what it is about parenting today that drives me insane. And that isn't to suggest I don't fall into this category as well. I'm sure I do at times.
Instant gratification.
But not so fast. Your mind went straight to the kids, didn't it? That they're the generation of "I see, I want, I get." While yes, this is definitely cause for concern, the recipient of the gratification I'm talking about isn't the child. It's the parent.
Parents simply cannot wait anymore. In fact, maybe this "generation" of children isn't the first casualty of Instant Gratification, the disease. Maybe it's mine. It's my peer group who just can't wait to find out the sex of their child, after all. Mine that has discovered the art of job hopping as a career as opposed to loyalty and stability with a company they believe in. All because we can.
So while we point at people's children (not our own, surely! They're angels.) and suggest that they've been spoiled to the point of no return, we should reflect on what part we may have played. I'm sorry, what part "their parents" may have played. And for this game, let's leave the standard materialistic discussions at the door.
Thinking aloud, it seems as if we have a need as parents today to experience our child
experiencing every conceivable experience as soon as humanly possible. Have you heard those pre-school moms talking about their child's boyfriend or girlfriend? Or worse, heard them gossiping about the boyfriends and girlfriends WITH their child? When did it become okay to encourage our children to contemplate pubescent emotions and concepts at age 4?
Oh, that's right. The instant WE thought it was cute.
What about those five year olds who attend live music concerts? Five year old girls who attend Justin Bieber, to be even more explicit. Justin, since the age of his fame, hasn't been appropriate for five year olds. Yet, mothers want to experience their darling daughters having those mega music star crushes like we did as teenagers for the likes of Donnie and Jordan. You know who I'm talking about too, don't lie.
But honestly, do you think the madly deeply rock star crush belongs to a five year old or maybe...just maybe....it's our inability to just wait. Waiting to let these types of experiences play out gradually, in due time, is a lost art. We just jump on the first wagon full of "sounds like a good idea" folks and join in. I don't pretend it isn't hard when all the others are doing it. That's an age-old concept and I get it. It IS hard to tell your child no when all the other parents are saying yes. But maybe we need to. Say no. Just say no sometimes.
We might have been the first generation to be told, "Share your feelings. Talk it out. Don't be afraid of who you are and letting others see the real you."
This has helped us perfect the ability to grasp for gratification. We've just taken it too far. Not only do we use this on our spouses, friends and colleagues but we use it on our children. We share who WE are, and we share and we share and we share with these children. And we need more, and we share more, and we never wait to do it.
Parenting has become about us. And our wants and our feelings and our need for instant gratification through the eyes of our children. We no longer just treasure the innocence but pull and tug for the next best and greatest accomplishment or milestone our child can fulfill. I suppose that's the point of my rambling. It's about us. And it shouldn't be. We have to learn to step aside and just let them experience life instead of always pushing life onto them. Guide and probe and steer at times, but never push.
And above all else, think. We must start thinking more and doing and saying less. Think about the things they say, intuit the things they feel, and prepare for the things they will WANT to experience but allow it to develop. And while you wait, envelope yourself in the joy of waiting.
