Get Write Wednesday 6

Michelle asked once in a comment why I had a llama at the bottom of my blog. Truth be told, it's a favorite photo of mine from a visit we made to the alpaca farm. So, to begin, it's not a llama but an alpaca. But more importantly why is it a favorite?

I like the blurriness of the close-up.
I like the reflection in its eye.
I like the imperfections of its teeth.
I like the sharpness of the background.

It's like life, isn't it? When things are so close to you, when you're so close you're practically inside out, all things appear so blurry. Lines fade and you criss-cross over them again and again until you can't recall if you're in the right lane, middle, or left. Zoomed in a bit more, you wouldn't be able to discern the alpaca's upper lip fuzz from nose hairs. Getting so up close and personal with situations of the heart or mind can make you absolutely crazy. The over-analyzing and second-guessing will have you pulling u-turns and running red lights in the blink of an eye.

But what if all that draws you outside yourself, and you see things anew? You see your own reflection through your own analysis? Admitting who you are or how you feel can sometimes appear to be the easiest of all tasks, when in reality it's the harshest opinion of all with which one comes to terms. I oftentimes know who I want to be in a given situation, and I oftentimes know how I feel, or how I will feel, in a given situation. I think that's true most of the time because I don't spend a lot of time behind or in front of a zoom lens. I rarely allow myself to blur or be blurred. I tend to keep things rational and above the fray. Seeing myself in the reflection of the eye, or reflected in my mind, is something I am admittedly not comfortable doing.

What is comforting with this alpaca, though, is its proud display of imperfect teeth. Yes, it was simply reaching and sniffing for food. But truly, animals cannot possibly evaluate themselves as we do, they just are. Their comfort with imperfections is endearing and acceptable. Will we ever evolve into such a way? Probably not. And frankly I've never been good with admitting imperfections or putting myself in a position to fail and admit failure. Lately though, I wonder if the need to hide the flaws has hindered me from zooming in and feeling more, but also detracted me from zooming out and seeing the bigger picture.

Which brings us to the background. The dirty backdrop of the grounds already trodden, and the green of the leaves up high, and the partial view of those with whom this alpaca lives. The photo is focused on this one creature that received the attention briefly, separately, apart from anyone or anything else. But in the photo, things are greater than this alpaca. It's a habitat, it's others, it's nature, and it's a day. A day encompasses more than just one creature, one focus, one blown up piece of our attention. Figuring out how to balance the entire picture is what we must do, each and every day. Focal points are important but they aren't the finale, and in the same breath, the artist must be cognizant that focal points play a part in getting us to the final canvass.

Monday Mumbles 25

1. Turner might find himself on the wrong side of my attitude if he doesn't start acting like the brainwashed Raiders fan he's supposed to be.

2. Speaking of football, I couldn't take another Kansas City Chiefs win, so midway through the 3rd quarter, I decided to remove myself and go for a run. Mind you, I haven't run in a couple of months. I pumped out 4 miles on pure irritation.

3. I finally got the kids in the portrait studio this past weekend. (Oops - Owen turned 5 in April, Sissy 3 in June, Turner 9 in August) BUT, they're all still those ages and the sitting went fantastic. This was the first year, ever, that Evelyn didn't cry/sob/weep. Not once. Success.

4. That said, and as their mother I feel I can say this without judgment, I think my kids are cuter in person than they are in photos. It might be their age and inability to NOT appear natural, but I think it's their mannerisms, the little facial adjustments and looks and giggles that truly make them adorable.

5. Someone mentioned to me once that my descriptive way of writing was interesting, and I should take up writing. They didn't know I had a blog, not that I do any writing here, but the comment struck a nerve. I do want to write. Something. Consistently. I just don't know WHAT.

6. I have failed in the birthday scrapbook realm. Turner's book might have 6 or 7 birthdays in it, Owen's might have 3, and Evelyn's - none. Poor girl. I need to suck it up and try to get back into it.

7. I've made mention a couple of times on Twitter how much I miss Patrick Swayze. Am I alone in this? Not that he was making recent films but it feels like they've stopped playing his old ones as often. I haven't seen Dirty Dancing or Road House in ages. I miss them. I need them.

8. After a good portrait session, the kids were rewarded with a pumpkin patch visit, idea courtesy of Grandma. Here are a couple of shots from the day.

The kids took full advantage of the non-traditional playground equipment. They're lounging on the roped spider web while Owen crawled around it with verbal description of what he was about to eat. 

They don't do so well posing nicely. Evelyn's giving a furrowed brow, Turner's eyes are barely open. Only Owen, the most uncooperative child ever, is posing nicely.

9. I had parent/teacher conferences last week. See the caption above? Yeah. When Owen's teacher met with a behavior expert who came to chat with all the teachers, she said she just kept thinking about Owen. Well isn't that fantastic? We're hopeful we can keep him on track with some partnered effort.

10. Turner's conference went just fine. Shocking. I only confirm that his nerdiness doesn't hinder his socializing, and she assured me that isn't the case. When kids get to partner with one another, they want to partner with him. He's chatty, friendly, and altogether a "pleasure". The kids are a "pleasure", either way, to me.

Tuesday Owenisms 11

Owen: You are the luckiest mom in the whole world.

Me: Did you mean I'm the luckiest, or you are?

Owen: You, because I'm your kid.

Monday Mumbles 24

1. Oops. 5 weeks went by. That was a worst for me. I apologize, little brother.

2. In that time, I took a 5 day work trip, turned 36, waved so long to a retiring co-worker, took on a new client, and maintained my no-Facebook status.

3. What I miss most about Facebook isn't Facebook-related at all. It was the mind-numbing scrolling habit I acquired during the evening, after kids went to bed. And it hasn't been all that hard to break, to be honest.

4. Without Facebook, however, I need to keep up on the blog. My brother and SIL have decided to move even further away from us and we'll see them even less than we did with them 5 hours. away. That will mean I have to get better about TAKING photos so that I can upload the photos. I will also have to get better about simply blogging our fun little stories so they may feel "in touch".

5. The last two times we were at my dad's, he's brought up eating sardines. He knows I detest them, the smell, the look. I'm gagging just thinking about it.

6. I'm doing my best to finish up book 5 of the Game of Thrones series so I can watch the TV series. I'm getting excited.

7. Reading #6 over again just made me sad. My life is sad. I need more excitement in my life.

8. Where we don't need excitement is with Owen and school. And so far....so good. He doesn't tattle on himself like Turner, so if Owen's gone to the safe seat, I don't hear about it same day. In fact, he only let it slip that he's gone there when he told me how he PUT himself there to get away from someone else...and oh, he'd gone there before. Unwillingly I'm sure, but he was scarce on details. Shocking. ;)

9. Work continues to be interesting. I like that. I like the people. I like the challenges.

10. Well friends, I hope you have a wonderful Monday.