Tuesday Owenisms 18

I finally went for a run. I came back and mentioned I was stinky.

Evelyn: If the guy says something smells like TRASH...we will tell him it isn't TRASH. She just went running.

First of all, who said "stinky" equated to TRASH???? And second of all, who is "the GUY"? 

Tuesday Owenisms 17

The entire family is in the kitchen. Hubs and I are discussing one of my upcoming work trips. I casually toss a question to the kids. Below is what I should have known would happen, but as always I was taken aback.

Mom: Do you guys even miss me when I'm gone?

Turner and Evelyn, (in unison): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Owen: I have a picture in my head, so.......

Tuesday Owenisms 16

Scene: At the grocery store. Folks milling around. A loud-volumed child.

Owen: Dad, you need Five Hour Energy!

Dad: I'm not Bo Jackson, Owen.

Owen: No, but you're ALWAYS grumpy in the mornings!

Cue laughing.

Tuesday Owenisms 15

Sissy told me that if she says bad words and I give her a whoopin', she'll still love me.

How sweet, and slightly disturbing, I thought.

Owen pipes up to let everyone know that they shouldn't say bad words, unless they're saying something good. You know, like,

" 'Bad word', that was a good show."

" 'Bad word, that place was so fun!"

So there you have it. Rules for swearing by Owen. Consider yourself warned.

Tuesday Owenisms 14

I learned over this past holiday break that my brilliant son Turner has an ear for lyrics like his father. In other words, not so swell.

He let me know, while we were YouTubing songs, that he always thought the song Karma Chameleon was "Come On Chameleon", as in....a person who had a pet chameleon and was beckoning the creature toward him.

Oh my.

In other news, he also thought the "Royals" song by Lorde was saying "ahoooo" over and over, like a wolf, when she was actually singing "I rule, I rule, I rule".

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE, EVERYONE!

Tuesday Owenisms 13

Monday morning, our family was at home. We had just come off a very long weekend of three Christmas celebrations and a wedding. Dad was relaxing in the back room, Evelyn had just woken up from her nap. Turner was busy playing with his neighborhood friend while Owen twiddled around, slowing down with every step.

He finally hit the wall. You know the wall. The one that suggests that every possible activity is utterly boring. The one that magnifies every teardrop and complaint. The wall that must be broken.

I broke it.

Mom:  Owen, I think it's time to take a break. Let's go relax for a minute.

Owen:  (sobbing)  Nooooo! I don't need a nap!!!

Mom:  (picking Owen up baby cradling style)  Sweetie, let's just go back to the bed and lie down for fifteen minutes. Let's just rest your body. I didn't say anything about a nap.

Owen:  (still sobbing)  Mooooooom. I don't wanna take a nap.

Mom:  (lying him down in the bed and covering him up without a tussle)  It'll be okay, Bubs. Just stay here for fifteen minutes and then you can come back out, refreshed. You'll feel much better.

Owen:  (tears rolling onto the pillow now)  But you won't come back in fifteen minutes! You're going to leave me here until I fall asleeeeeeeeeep!

He was spot on.

And it worked. 

Tuesday Owenisms 12

Owen had an unusually ornery day on Sunday. At dinner time, I'd had enough and I simply asked him,

"Owen, what's WRONG with you?"

The question came with a great big sigh, covered in fatigue. His response was simply,

"I'm just BAD."

There you have it. Honesty. Self-awareness. Simplicity. Just the way I like it.

Tuesday Owenisms 11

Owen: You are the luckiest mom in the whole world.

Me: Did you mean I'm the luckiest, or you are?

Owen: You, because I'm your kid.

Tuesday Owenisms 10

There are days when I wonder if Owen thinks. At all. He acts so impulsively at times, and so emotionally at others, it feels that he never stops to just THINK before putting himself out into the world. I love and hate this about him all at the same time.

One day, however, he surprised me. Like he always does. Some day I'll get used to it.


OWEN: Mom....is this real life....or fake life?

ME: Well, it's real life. See? *pinch* I can touch and feel you. Feels pretty real to me.

OWEN: Oh.

ME: Why do you ask?

OWEN: I don't want it to be real life. I want it to be fake because I don't want anyone to die.


Maybe he won't end up in jail, after all......

Tuesday Owenisms 9

I am self-aware. I realize that I don't have a palette that chefs require or diners of my kitchen desire. I get it. But can you shut up about it already?


Mom: Kids, we have chicken and noodles for dinner. If you don't want it, you go to bed without dinner. It's what I'm serving, like it or not. I AM willing to help make it taste better for you. I can add butter to the mashed potatoes or season salt to the chicken and noodles, if you like.

Owen: I know how you can make it better for me Mom.

I'm excited that he's willing to compromise and smile to myself as I drive us home.

Owen: Uuuhhhhh....get a new food.

Tuesday Owenisms 8

Setting the stage:

My mom sold our childhood home and bought a new one right after my sisters graduated from high school. My sisters lived in her new house with her during the summer before their freshman year of college, one sister again during their sophomore year, and then both of them for their junior years until the present. My mom moved out of the house for a portion of this time, for the better part of 5 or 6 years I believe. 

Sunday afternoon, our family is driving from Turner's basketball game down to my mom's house, where she lives with my sisters.


Me: We are headed to Grandma's house! Dad and Mom are going to drop you guys off to hang out for a bit while we go see some friends. Anna and Leslie will be there to hang out with you too.

Owen: We're going to GRANDMA'S house?

Me. Yes. Well, Grandma, Anna and Leslie's house.

Owen: Yeah. It was actually Anna and Leslie's house before. And then Grandma....she kind of stealed it, and she moved in....and...and...then she moved in and made it HER house.

Me: Mmmmmkay. I can see how you think that.....


You better believe I told my mom she stealed her house. Anna and Leslie backed up Owen's story.

Tuesday Owenisms 7

This week, I want to share some sweet Owenisms that I came home to. Turner found my blog pictures and made a couple of his own. Just for me.

Tuesday Owenisms 6

One day Hubs is hanging with Owen and Sis. As usual, some spat or another breaks out between the two of them. 

Owen:  I am SO MAD AT YOU Sissy!!! When I get older, I'M NOT MARRYING YOU!

Hubs decides to tune in and turns to Owen.

Hubs:  Owen, what did you say?

Owen:  Sissy makes me so mad I'm never marrying her when we get older!

Hubs:  You can't marry Sissy, Owen!

Owen:  What? You SAID I had to marry a girl......

Hubs:  Not THAT girl! Some girl you meet when you get big!

Tuesday Owenisms 5

Owen was playing "restaurant" one day. It mostly entailed him walking around the living room and kitchen, propositioning all of us.

"WHAT YOU WANT TO DRINK??!?

Owen's Restaurant!!!

Water! 
Milk!
Beer!
Apple juice!"

Sissy pipes up, of course.

"BEER!"

I'm doomed. They're doomed. Wish us luck.

Tuesday Owenisms 4

Evelyn was having a self-indulgent moment when we were out and about one weekend. Owen had enough of her selfish requests, apparently, and said to her,

"The WORLD's not about YOU Sissy. It's about..................God..................and other people."


I took Owen and Sissy window shopping one day. Well, it was mostly window shopping. While I dragged them into a women's clothing store, they were well behaved. I was even able to try on a suit. Once I decided I wasn't getting it, I went to hang it back up where I first found it. Owen was perplexed and said, 

"So.........you put that on your bum.........and then hang it up so others can put it on their bum?"

When I responded yes, we like to try it on first to see if it fits well, he responded with,

"Gross."


*To be clear, I did try the suit on with my underclothes still on. It wasn't naked suit fitting day.

Tuesday Owenisms 3

Owen has always been a Daddy's boy. It hurts my feelings sometimes, but I get it. He was home with his a majority of his first year while Hubs finished his degree. And he's spent a lot of extra time with Hubs this past year while I was deeply involved in a project at work.

Truth be told, he would be a Daddy's boy regardless of those two facts, but they are what keep me sane and from thinking that he just doesn't like me. There are a lot of Owenisms that make me wonder, however, if that just MIGHT be the case.

It's gotten worse lately at bedtime. He started requesting that his Daddy take him to bed, removing my one stronghold on parental duties. I was SAD. My feelings were deeply hurt. The first night it happened, I simply walked to his door after Hubs did the duty, and said rather grumpily,

"Good night Owen."

Owen said, "Hey Mom?"

"Yes?"  (still grumpy, mind you)

"I don't HATE you."

He really knows a way to a girl's heart. The only thing that keeps me hanging on is I don't think I'll be able to marry him off any time soon. I simply responded, "I don't hate you either."

Tuesday Owenisms 2

Setting the scene: The kids, Hubs, and I are at my mom's house. Hubs is busy riling me up or bickering with me. We're bantering.

"Is he being a dick, Mom?"

I could only think to respond "Yes" so instead I stayed silent. I looked from Owen to Hubs, to my Mom, back to Owen. Hubs asked what I was going to do to handle it. My Mom looked at me with wide eyes. I simply said, "Honey, dick is actually considered sort of a bad word....too. Please don't use it." Of course Hubs was being a dick. And apparently it wasn't the first time.

Tuesday Owenisms 1

Owen says a lot of things. Mostly inappropriate things. I've taken to calling them Owen-isms, hence Tuesday post titles. I'll only post a few at a time or else I'll run out. He's good, but not that good.



1. "Mom, don't say bad words. Else I might."
(This was enlightening information for the next Owenism.)

2. (Playing a "learning" board game where the players are asked to come up with words that start with certain letters.)

Mom: "Owen, what letter did you land on?"
Owen: "F."
Mom: "Can you think of a word that makes the Fffff sound at the beginning?"

Very Long Pause.

Owen: "I can only think of one word and I can't get it out of my mind. But I can't say it."