Get Write Wednesday 8

I love this song. I love the lyrics. Probably too much.

All of Me by John Legend

What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,oh
Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohh

(found here)

Get Write Wednesday 7

"This era of instant gratification is hurting our ability to parent and weakening our discernment for timing."

I tweeted this sentiment. It dawned on me, at the time of this thought's conception, what it is about parenting today that drives me insane. And that isn't to suggest I don't fall into this category as well. I'm sure I do at times.

Instant gratification.

But not so fast. Your mind went straight to the kids, didn't it? That they're the generation of "I see, I want, I get." While yes, this is definitely cause for concern, the recipient of the gratification I'm talking about isn't the child. It's the parent.

Parents simply cannot wait anymore. In fact, maybe this "generation" of children isn't the first casualty of Instant Gratification, the disease. Maybe it's mine. It's my peer group who just can't wait to find out the sex of their child, after all. Mine that has discovered the art of job hopping as a career as opposed to loyalty and stability with a company they believe in. All because we can.

So while we point at people's children (not our own, surely! They're angels.) and suggest that they've been spoiled to the point of no return, we should reflect on what part we may have played. I'm sorry, what part "their parents" may have played. And for this game, let's leave the standard materialistic discussions at the door.

Thinking aloud, it seems as if we have a need as parents today to experience our child experiencing every conceivable experience as soon as humanly possible. Have you heard those pre-school moms talking about their child's boyfriend or girlfriend? Or worse, heard them gossiping about the boyfriends and girlfriends WITH their child? When did it become okay to encourage our children to contemplate pubescent emotions and concepts at age 4?

Oh, that's right. The instant WE thought it was cute.

What about those five year olds who attend live music concerts? Five year old girls who attend Justin Bieber, to be even more explicit. Justin, since the age of his fame, hasn't been appropriate for five year olds. Yet, mothers want to experience their darling daughters having those mega music star crushes like we did as teenagers for the likes of Donnie and Jordan. You know who I'm talking about too, don't lie.

But honestly, do you think the madly deeply rock star crush belongs to a five year old or maybe...just maybe....it's our inability to just wait. Waiting to let these types of experiences play out gradually, in due time, is a lost art. We just jump on the first wagon full of "sounds like a good idea" folks and join in. I don't pretend it isn't hard when all the others are doing it. That's an age-old concept and I get it. It IS hard to tell your child no when all the other parents are saying yes. But maybe we need to. Say no. Just say no sometimes.

We might have been the first generation to be told, "Share your feelings. Talk it out. Don't be afraid of who you are and letting others see the real you."

This has helped us perfect the ability to grasp for gratification. We've just taken it too far. Not only do we use this on our spouses, friends and colleagues but we use it on our children. We share who WE are, and we share and we share and we share with these children. And we need more, and we share more, and we never wait to do it.

Parenting has become about us. And our wants and our feelings and our need for instant gratification through the eyes of our children. We no longer just treasure the innocence but pull and tug for the next best and greatest accomplishment or milestone our child can fulfill. I suppose that's the point of my rambling. It's about us. And it shouldn't be. We have to learn to step aside and just let them experience life instead of always pushing life onto them. Guide and probe and steer at times, but never push.

And above all else, think. We must start thinking more and doing and saying less. Think about the things they say, intuit the things they feel, and prepare for the things they will WANT to experience but allow it to develop. And while you wait, envelope yourself in the joy of waiting.

Get Write Wednesday 6

Michelle asked once in a comment why I had a llama at the bottom of my blog. Truth be told, it's a favorite photo of mine from a visit we made to the alpaca farm. So, to begin, it's not a llama but an alpaca. But more importantly why is it a favorite?

I like the blurriness of the close-up.
I like the reflection in its eye.
I like the imperfections of its teeth.
I like the sharpness of the background.

It's like life, isn't it? When things are so close to you, when you're so close you're practically inside out, all things appear so blurry. Lines fade and you criss-cross over them again and again until you can't recall if you're in the right lane, middle, or left. Zoomed in a bit more, you wouldn't be able to discern the alpaca's upper lip fuzz from nose hairs. Getting so up close and personal with situations of the heart or mind can make you absolutely crazy. The over-analyzing and second-guessing will have you pulling u-turns and running red lights in the blink of an eye.

But what if all that draws you outside yourself, and you see things anew? You see your own reflection through your own analysis? Admitting who you are or how you feel can sometimes appear to be the easiest of all tasks, when in reality it's the harshest opinion of all with which one comes to terms. I oftentimes know who I want to be in a given situation, and I oftentimes know how I feel, or how I will feel, in a given situation. I think that's true most of the time because I don't spend a lot of time behind or in front of a zoom lens. I rarely allow myself to blur or be blurred. I tend to keep things rational and above the fray. Seeing myself in the reflection of the eye, or reflected in my mind, is something I am admittedly not comfortable doing.

What is comforting with this alpaca, though, is its proud display of imperfect teeth. Yes, it was simply reaching and sniffing for food. But truly, animals cannot possibly evaluate themselves as we do, they just are. Their comfort with imperfections is endearing and acceptable. Will we ever evolve into such a way? Probably not. And frankly I've never been good with admitting imperfections or putting myself in a position to fail and admit failure. Lately though, I wonder if the need to hide the flaws has hindered me from zooming in and feeling more, but also detracted me from zooming out and seeing the bigger picture.

Which brings us to the background. The dirty backdrop of the grounds already trodden, and the green of the leaves up high, and the partial view of those with whom this alpaca lives. The photo is focused on this one creature that received the attention briefly, separately, apart from anyone or anything else. But in the photo, things are greater than this alpaca. It's a habitat, it's others, it's nature, and it's a day. A day encompasses more than just one creature, one focus, one blown up piece of our attention. Figuring out how to balance the entire picture is what we must do, each and every day. Focal points are important but they aren't the finale, and in the same breath, the artist must be cognizant that focal points play a part in getting us to the final canvass.

Get Write Wednesday 5

Lately, I have had to ask myself if I'm too serious. Am I being too neurotically "on top of things" at work? Have I pondered a 'less than ideal' situation too much and over-complicated the problem? Is it possible I take on social hiccups as a cause that doesn't necessarily deserve so much attention?

It might be a large fault of mine that I can rationalize and justify my feelings, but I don't think I'm taking things too far. I mean honestly, how can you take your job TOO seriously? And if a problem exists, big or small, doesn't it need to be fixed, especially if it can be? And lastly, if a social hiccup leaves most of us saying "that's not right"....then it certainly deserves attention.

By taking on these types of challenges I automatically qualify for "more serious" personality syndrome, I suppose. But the more that Hubs and I discuss spiritual and religious ideals and what we believe, the more I am certain that we aren't here on Earth to simply enjoy it and to be seeking pleasure. At my brother's wedding this past weekend, the pastor even mentioned his pondering conclusion on "Is life to be enjoyed, or endured?" It was...both.

I could spin this Get Write Wednesday into a million different directions. We could talk parenting, we could discuss career and corporate behavior, we could discuss race or politics or religion. I will spare you all that today. Today, I just want to, at a high level, ponder the simple idea of TAKING ACTION. More specifically why I choose to take action and my concern for those who never seem to find a reason to do so.

More and more often, I keep repeating the idea (to myself and others) "Wouldn't they appreciate the fact that you told them your concerns? If they seek you out to talk through their issues, I find it perfectly acceptable to ask if you can provide honest feedback."  And when I say honest, I really mean extreme clarity and poignant candidness but with tactfulness that not all of us possess. Some people just don't have good delivery. I get that. But do we always need good delivery when we know the person delivering the thoughts are sincere in their message?

While pondering what to blog and the fact I knew I wanted to blog about "TAKING ACTION", this quote came across my Twitter feed.

"My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better." - Steve Jobs

What if we all took this approach? What if we stop accepting mediocrity in others just because they do? We can't change others and we can't ask them to stand up and lead by example. But when they continue being pleasure seeking mutes, we don't have to be mute ourselves.

When I went to verify my Twitter quote was indeed a Jobs quote, I found another interesting article about Why You're Not a Leader. I think this article is powerful far beyond the corporate world. Can't we all strive to be leaders of our families, communities and social circles? I could take this article and tear it up and churn out a different write-up for everyday life and less about the work place. Maybe then, we could all make more sense of leading with purpose.

My favorites:

3. You don’t care: Indifference is a characteristic not well suited to leadership. You simply cannot be a leader if you don’t care about those you lead. The real test of any leader is whether or not those they lead are better off for being led by them.

I’m often asked what it takes to get to the top – it’s as if people want an add water and mix recipe for leadership. While there are many paths to leadership, they’re certainly not all created equal. Perhaps a more telling issue in today’s world is many of those desiring to get ahead, have no desire to help others get ahead.

Get Write Wednesday 4

Hubs and I were able to take a few hours Saturday evening and hang with some adults. We dearly love our little eggs, but Turner and Owen and Evelyn needed some time away from us. I mean, we can be overbearing at times. What child doesn't want away for a bit?

And boy it sure felt good.

The conversation turned to Facebook and the ups and downs of social networking. Hubs doesn't Facebook, doesn't tweet, isn't LinkedIn. His cousin, whose company we were enjoying, is also of the same mindset. They were both slow to text too, in case you wondered. There were others there who do, though, and we discussed our experiences.

What I realized as the conversation progressed is that I have an extremely solid group of social networking individuals. I rarely get status updates on Facebook that make me cringe. I delete those that frequently post them. My Twitter feed is for lighthearted updates, generally sports, and nothing heavy.

The people I choose to keep on these two networks don't inundate their "friends" and "followers" with LOOK AT ME and MY KIDS ROCK information. They also don't air all their dirty laundry because they know better. It seems so simple to me. Respect privacy.

What is failing to be grasped generally is this - Respect.

• Respect that true friendship is found when those friends understand the struggles you go through to achieve the triumphs you place on Facebook. 
• Respect that true friendship is built by people who already know your children are powerful little creatures with loads of potential because they've seen them, met them, talked with them. 
• Respect your own privacy and know that whatever demons you and your spouse experience are built especially for you. And more importantly, no one else truly knows what that experience entails.
• Respect your own privacy and those who struggle with you. It could be your friends or family or children. 

Judgment is so easy these days. We're given so many tools. Use them respectfully and more importantly, teach others how to as well. We owe it to our friends and children and spouses to set an example but to also spread educated messages about responsible socializing. It's getting out of hand, but it's also a beautiful thing when used properly. Choose wisely.

Get Write Wednesday 3

Having a teenager in the home is everything it's cracked up to be, and I fear I've exhausted every method I can conjure to help him see the light. What I realized just very, very recently is that I should apply a bit of my own "methodology" and advice.

My biggest fall-back lecture is almost always, "What would happen if I displayed that exact same action at my office?" His answer is almost always, "I'd get fired."

So why, then, am I exhibiting a behavior I wouldn't encourage him to repeat? Why am I doubting my ability to perform a certain task and causing myself to fail because I won't try, just like he does? To be dramatic, why am I potentially setting myself up for a firing?

We are being tasked to step outside our comfort zone at work and expand our skill set. That sounds easy enough, yes? Except this particular skill set assignment is something I have always said, "That's not me. I don't know how to do that. I don't possess X, Y, and Z to really OWN this skill."

I am determined to stop talking and start listening. To myself. DOING something is simply focusing on learning the behaviors that will ACCOMPLISH the doing. Doing something is nothing more than breaking it down into learned bits, piecing it together into a cohesive unit, and putting it into action. Right? Right.

I can do this.

It will feel uncomfortable. It will feel unnatural. It will make me flushed and sweaty and I will be forced to speak slower than my usual 100 mph. And that's okay.

I preach to the kids "Learning never stops!!! Embrace it! Look for something new to learn each and every day!" Today, I stop preaching and start listening.

Get Write Wednesday 2

When I tried thinking of a topic that would spark my interest this week, I could only think of my friend Michelle, and her post this past weekend. It is a piece of writing that evoked the oddest combination of feelings in me - sadness and joy at the same time, as well as overwhelming sorrow and yet peace in nearly the same sentence. I urge you to go read it, but do so with the following in mind -

*  You might need some privacy and personal space. Tears are possible.

*  If you have some unexplained need to judge those who welcome an abundance of joy and gifts in the form of children into their lives, steer clear.

*  If someone else's ability to feel loss when it appears they already have so much IRKS you, steer clear. 

That is all. Enjoy her writing, and if you have enough time and energy, read the post she wrote AFTER this piece. If ever I felt part of a story simply by the written description of it, it is this moment. I hope her writing is as beautifully cathartic for her as it is moving for us.

Get Write Wednesday 1

Well hello, friends. Long time no chat. I started blogging in 2008 fairly abruptly and I ceased blogging just as abruptly in 2012, so why not start again on a random Wednesday in February 2013?

I learned a few lessons from the Square Table:

1. My family enjoyed the blog and felt connected to our everyday life through my ramblings.

2. I enjoyed sharing our everyday comings and goings, as normal and boring as they may be.

3. I have no specific blogging style or interest. I avoid the traditions and tend to shy away from topics or writings that could come around to bite me in the rear. My blog will remain mundane and gentle. I'll save the more intimate and potentially private thoughts for exactly that-intimate and private conversations.

4. I love alliterations. I can't help myself. They're nearly as good as puns. Mumblings will shamelessly include alliteration posts for the week days. 

Without further ado, I introduce "Get Write Wednesday". There are days I need to write. Something. Anything. Maybe it's an innate need to type. I love typing, too. I'll use "GWW" to actually scribe something I feel like chatting about with you. It might be silly, might be serious. You just never know what you're going to get.

Today you're just getting the introduction. I don't want to inundate you with nine months worth of jumble you've missed out on if we aren't Facebook friends. Of course, if you're reading this we probably ARE Facebook friends. Of course, I don't put anything of substance on Facebook statuses either. No matter. We'll get caught up, I promise.

In the meantime, enjoy your Wednesday and please feel free to get write in your comment and leave me a lengthy diatribe about YOU today.

Missed you all.